Sunday, November 7, 2010

If She Only Knew

As I sat in Church this morning, thirsty for knowledge, I realized, I am here. I am in the moment. The service seemed to be directed at how my life once was and up until that moment, I didn't realize how far from that life I was and had been for so long. When you get used to something, whether it be good or bad, you're used to it. You expect it (whatever it may be) on a daily basis because it's what you know.

For years and years I couldn't understand why things happened the way they did in my life. I didn't realize that I was the one that was initially causing all those problems that I tried so hard to blame on everyone else and get so far away from. I was my own worst enemy.

On January 7th, 2008, my life changed.

If I only knew then, what I know now. If I could just tell the girl I was then, what was in store for her. Just so you know, speaking of myself in the third person, does not make me crazy, it makes sense. All my life, I've worked so hard against what I was actually working towards. Seems like it wouldn't have taken so many years of nonsense for me to get my head screwed on straight, but apparently, it did. And that's okay.

I'm still not perfect. I probably won't ever be able to mind my own business because when I care about someone, I tend to have a busy-body way of showing it. I still have bad days. A Sailor Made mouth still slips from time to time, but I'm still working on me. That's the best part. I am not perfect, but I am here. I am in the moment.

All my life, I have wanted to be right here, right where I am. If she only knew....

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