It's amazing how fast the emotions experienced as a mother can change. We're always experiencing a "phase" at our house. Sometimes it's one or both of the kids & sometimes it's me. It's almost never my husband, unless you can consider Fantasy Football a phase.
This morning, I decided to pack a note in Owen's lunchbox. Just a little something I used to do all the time last year & haven't at all this year. I love doing little dorky things like that. Time gets in the way, moves way too fast in the mornings (and any other time during the years) & I forget. Sometimes, having to make sure three people are up, ready & out the door by 7:15-7:20 AM gets overwhelming when you add whining, crying & pouting.
We had a reasonably decent morning this morning. We got ready, with not too much lip, got in the car, Owen was feeling a little puny but I asked & he was okay to go, practiced our sight words & made it to school.
And then it happened.
Sometimes there are issues in the breakfast line with older children breaking in line & Owen just gets pushed further back & says nothing. If you read any of my gibberish, you know that I'm no pushover; I'm quite assertive, really. Rarely if ever, do you have to guess what's on my mind. Bashful wouldn't be an adjective used to describe me, EVER.
Owen was getting pushed further behind & we were a few minutes late getting to the cafeteria this morning so that meant less time to eat. Evan & I go every morning to eat breakfast with Owen at school. I fix Evan's breakfast at home & carry it with us so he can eat with Bubba.
One morning a few weeks ago, Evan had a fever & Owen had to ride with Mo into school. Of course, being the mother hen that I am, I worried about him going by himself. He was fine. As a matter of fact, he loved it & wanted to do it everyday.
------------------Insert light bulb here--------------
This would be the prime time for me to get "it". Nope, I didn't get it. I wasn't ready. I wanted to continue to eat breakfast with him and control the situation. Well, not consciously, but that's what was happening. Motherhood is usually crystal clear after the dust settles.
Well, as Owen was getting pushed further behind (I got off track a little, I usually do), I got up & stood in line & pulled him on through. I feel like (okay, I know) he was embarrassed. His little eyes welled up with tears & he said he didn't want to eat because he didn't feel good but in hindsight, I know I hurt his little feelings by embarrassing him. I feel terrible.
This isn't the dress rehearsal; this is it.
Sometimes I do wrong things & sometimes I do right things but, I WILL ALWAYS DO THINGS.
I am the mother of two handsome, smart, sweet boys & I will always do things. Those of you that know me personally know why I always say the above statement. And those of you that don't know me personally, are about to find out:
My mother was not active in my life & remains (for the most part, not all) inactive in my life. I have never posted anything regarding that fact, but I had an epiphany yesterday & will tactfully (as best as I can muster) post more in the future.
When we pick Owen up this afternoon, it's time for us all to grow. I am going to ask him if he'd like for me to drop him off & let him go to breakfast by himself in the mornings. Well, all except for Tuesday's.
Times, they are a'changin'.
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