The Wrath

*** DISCLAIMER***

I am sharing this, not because I am proud of my weak moment (I am never proud of my weak moments), but because we all have these moments, regardless of whether we try to hide them or we embrace the chance to learn from them. 

The other night, we had a scare. I lost my cool. Okay, I don't have any cool. I've never been accused of being cool or having cool. I lost my temper; which sounds like a silly expression because I didn't lose it per say, I projected it (and all of its wrath) onto my family. If you aren't aware -- I'm pleasant most of the time, but when my temper rears it's ugly head, I'm not-so-pleasant. Seriously. This is one of my two, very large flaws that I work on daily. The other is my lack of patience.

My one year old Evan, fell out of his toddler-sized recliner on his head. I didn't have his safety bubble on. I scooped him up, starting rocking him in the chair & out comes everything he had for dinner. Oh no, all I could think was concussion. I immediately called the on-call doctor and  he's fine. A trip to the doctor the next morning to ease my mind & all is well. He's well on his way to many more falls & I pray that we all make it through them calmly & safely.

In the heat of the a situation, I said shut-up to my husband and my five year old. That is the first time I have ever done that & I pray it is the last. I discourage the word, along with stupid & dumb. I also discourage name-calling. I'm not trying to raise a bully.

After all was calm, Evan was fine, I had cleaned up both of us, the furniture & the carpet, I apologized. My five year old, Owen says, "Mommy, you tell me not to say that word because it's not nice". I told him he was exactly right and that I was so sorry and I will not do it again and I never should have done it to begin with. You know what? As the words were coming out of my mouth, I knew better. I said it anyway. 

I'm grateful that even though I fail Him daily, He's always there for me with His unwavering mercy.

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. (Isaiah 42:16 NIV)