Letting Go of Shame

I am not that scared little girl anymore who couldn't speak for herself. I am not the little girl who was being blackmailed into not telling anyone that she was being sexually abused. As I write this, tears cover my cheeks in such a way I'm able to see the forest, in spite of the trees & I am free. I am free of the pain I have experienced for the last twenty-eight years & it feels incredible to let the tears flow & the freedom rush in.  

Sexual abuse DOES NOT deserve capitalization, but I'll give it. Sexual abuse robbed me of my childhood. It robbed me of my innocence. It robbed me of my self-esteem. It robbed me of any respect I had for myself & for others; at such an early age.

This morning, as I sat eagerly waiting to absorb the goodness that Bible study brings, I had no idea what God would lead me to do. He directs me how He needs me & I follow suit. We were reviewing last week’s homework & having discussion. The conversation led to our children. In a woman’s comment, she spoke how she worked several days a week at her work-related job with children who had been sexually abused, but caring for her children was her main focus. BOOM! It hit me like a ton of bricks; share your story. What are you waiting on?

This morning was actually the first time I have spoken out to a room full of people about the abuse. It was quite liberating. Putting “it” in print is also a first for me. I have recently been praying for God to free me from this incredibly suffocating experience that no child (or anyone else) should EVER have to experience & help me to work through the twenty-eight years of pain & residual issues I have experienced from the act of abuse itself. He is blessing me beyond measure by providing me with the strength to move forward. 

Forward, out of the dead of winter & into the fresh, new growth of spring.