With Christ, I'm Possible.

This may seem to be just a painting. It's much more than that. It's my heart and soul poured onto this canvas. It's years of thinking I couldn't. It's years of thinking I was nothing & I would never amount to anything because I'd never push hard enough to try. 
This painting symbolizes my recovery from drug addiction & alcohol abuse. This painting represents years of not speaking out about being sexually abused. This painting embodies all that I have grown to be. 
Several weeks back, I had a conversation with a friend whom I've grown close with recently. I said how life for me was impossible without Christ. But with Christ, I'm possible! 
When I was lost, I would wander around aimlessly never knowing what was next. Always thinking, "why me? Why does all this stuff have to happen to me?" Christ wasn't present in my life. He didn't instruct my days. He didn't lead me to the path of righteousness. You know why? Because I didn't want Him to. 
I wasn't interested in changing one iota of my life for anyone; let alone Christ. I came to Him & He has cleaned me up. I'm far from perfect. I won't get the Mother of the Year Award, or Wife of the Year Award for that matter but, I do my best to do what is acceptable in the eyes of the Lord on a minute-to-minute basis. Not just because it's Sunday, or because I know someone sees me, because it's every day, and what you do behind closed doors matters just as much, as what you do in the public eye.
There are people who are still waiting in the wings for me to fail & I'm okay with that. I think they'll always be there, watching and waiting. Sometimes it's incredibly irritating, but I'm doing my best to be understanding. 
This painting is the beginning of great things to come. My intentions are a line of products dedicated to the "I'm Possible" theme. I will donate 10% of the purchase price (of each work) to Speakyoursilence.org. Follow the link that I have provided & find out more information on #thestitch. Stay tuned for excellence.

With Christ, I'm Possible. 

Letting Go of Shame

I am not that scared little girl anymore who couldn't speak for herself. I am not the little girl who was being blackmailed into not telling anyone that she was being sexually abused. As I write this, tears cover my cheeks in such a way I'm able to see the forest, in spite of the trees & I am free. I am free of the pain I have experienced for the last twenty-eight years & it feels incredible to let the tears flow & the freedom rush in.  

Sexual abuse DOES NOT deserve capitalization, but I'll give it. Sexual abuse robbed me of my childhood. It robbed me of my innocence. It robbed me of my self-esteem. It robbed me of any respect I had for myself & for others; at such an early age.

This morning, as I sat eagerly waiting to absorb the goodness that Bible study brings, I had no idea what God would lead me to do. He directs me how He needs me & I follow suit. We were reviewing last week’s homework & having discussion. The conversation led to our children. In a woman’s comment, she spoke how she worked several days a week at her work-related job with children who had been sexually abused, but caring for her children was her main focus. BOOM! It hit me like a ton of bricks; share your story. What are you waiting on?

This morning was actually the first time I have spoken out to a room full of people about the abuse. It was quite liberating. Putting “it” in print is also a first for me. I have recently been praying for God to free me from this incredibly suffocating experience that no child (or anyone else) should EVER have to experience & help me to work through the twenty-eight years of pain & residual issues I have experienced from the act of abuse itself. He is blessing me beyond measure by providing me with the strength to move forward. 

Forward, out of the dead of winter & into the fresh, new growth of spring.