Healing is Possible

It's been a year, yesterday, since I've written. I think I've finally made it to a point where I'm willing to share. 

I have been immersing myself in scripture daily because I need Jesus. I don't know about you, but I do. 

Situations, circumstances, people, self!

Yes, I need Jesus. 

Whether or not my own actions cause me turmoil, or the actions of others, I am ALWAYS seeking scripture.

As a matter of fact, that's what landed me in front of the computer as I dye my hair & relax while Laurel naps. 

{I started this post weeks ago & stopped because I judge the pen I put to paper much more harshly than anyone ever could} 

That being said, the scripture that I found about having a good heart in difficult times is:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. - Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

Being good is hard sometimes. The fleshly me wants to say what's on my mind. It's not always appropriate, no matter how much I feel like I need to say it. Why can't we just be honest with each other? 

Why can't we say things to one another that need to be said? No, that's not how the world works, I suppose. I've been sitting back watching & there's so much focus placed on people, places & things, that we have no space left to just experience life on God's terms. 

Let's discuss ideas, not people. 

My emotions change like the sun & the moon. My mind bounces from thought to thought, with no breaks in between. 

I took the Enneagram Test to see what my personality type is and I am a four, which is the romantic, creative individualist. It totally makes sense.

There's another really  vulnerable part of me is that I think that I'll never measure up. 

Eeek, seeing that in print stung a bit, but I'm tough & it's true. Sometimes the truth hurts, and that's okay. It can lead to healing, if you let it. 

I'm finally healing. The struggle is still very real. Anxiety and depression are still present but, working through issues instead of "stuffing" them, help me to heal. 

If something deeply effects me, I voice it. I can't not. Setting boundaries & following through with them is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT for me. I think it may be the hardest part of this healing journey so far. 

I've always just done what people expect of me. By that I mean, if someone asks me to do something, I try my best to do what I can to make it happen, but I rarely think of me first & how it will put me & my family out. This is a hard character defect to unlearn. 

I am so much more at peace these days. I've learned to consistently say no to things that I don't want to do. I can choose. I don't have to do everything. 

Sure, my days are still pretty much chaos but, I have a husband, 3 kids, a business of which I own and manage, as well as a co-owned business with a partner, that has a storefront. 

My life is chaos. I'm okay with that. 

Life is good, so is God & healing is possible. 

If I strike you as different, I am. I no longer take responsibility for someone else's issues and pain by feeding into any of the nonsense. 

I'm clear on exactly where I'm at & if you fit, wonderful. If not, this is a new season of growth for me, it's time to prune dead limbs for new to flourish.

And flourish, is what He shall do through me.