Monday, March 14, 2016

Since My First Breath (To Be Heard)

I tend to scratch more than just the surface with my blog posts. I remember my very first post & I had a lot to say, I just wasn't ready to voice it. I wasn't brave enough to say what needed to be said but, You Make Me Brave.

The Lord was working in my life before I ever knew what Salvation meant. I didn't know what it meant to be saved. I knew there was more, I just didn't know which way to turn, or what to believe. I never spent much time seeking Him. I spent years (around fifteen of them) repressing emotions that were painful & covering up situations that I'd prefer to erase, by using drugs & alcohol.

Six years ago, I could not physically say that. I honestly didn't know where I stood in this life. Here's why: I had no foundation.

Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.-Luke 6:47-49 (ESV)

I didn't realize how much the Holy Spirit was working in my life, but I knew something was different. I knew there was more. I began actively seeking Him in September of 2010; five months after that first blog post. It's almost been six years since I took my first breath. I tend to have a flare for the dramatic but this, this is The Gospel. Literally. When I started actively seeking Him, it was almost like I was just learning to breathe. Honestly, I don't recall what that felt like but if I had to guess, I'd assume this was it.

His Power is so incredible. It can make me break down out of nowhere, and praise Him for the work He does in my life. So often we don't give God praise like we should. We just want Him to do more & more & more. We get so wrapped up in our lives that we forget who's in control. Amen?

Last week I had some bad days. Not your average bad days; oh no, far worse. These days were like my breath was taken from me, slowly. I turned to scripture every single chance that I got because I know, without Him I am nothing. Without Him, I know where I'd be---doing dope. That's not an option anymore, but I still have to scoop out the bad things that happened to make me turn to drugs in the first place & replace those areas with healthy behaviors. Apparently, it gets worse before it gets better. I can vouch for that.

My oldest son & I have been butting heads over the last several months & last night as I prayed, I completely & willfully gave it all to God. I was at breaking point & I finally realized that I will get nowhere unless I let go & let God handle it. God gave me a new perspective today. I knew it when I woke up this morning & I even woke up a few minutes late so I could've just been Bitter Betty, but I wasn't!! Owen has gotten use to waking up when his Daddy does (30 minutes earlier) and he didn't today. With my new perspective, I was able to handle the meltdown differently. Praise the Lord!!!

Instead of being High-Strung Harriet this afternoon, I had a plan. I stuck to it & my boys and I spent most of the afternoon/evening outside. We played together. He was polite to me & his brother. I praised him for such great manners and his willingness to get his homework done & AR book read without a fight. We really enjoyed this afternoon. I just wanted to take the time to share this & give God praise for what He does best---take care of everything. Praise God!

Can I promise that I'll never be Bitter Betty or High-Strung Harriet again? Nope. I can promise one thing:

I know Who will fix it.