As I sit here rocking this beautiful baby of mine, I'm reminded of what I have to be grateful for.
Most of the time, she won't go to sleep unless I'm holding her or rocking her & for those of you reading this, I get tired of you saying she's spoiled.
She's cherished. She is loved. She is adored. I don't remember being "spoiled" at all as a child & I want my babies to know & remember that they are cherished, loved, and adored. If that is what you see spoiled as, then yes, that's what all of my children are. So you can stand down because I won't stop loving or showing them love because you don't agree with the way I do.
Thank the Lord this PPD is easing off a bit. It still comes in waves & I get manic & have major anxiety here and there at the most in opportune times , but at least it's not as overwhelming as it once was. Life is a process. I'm just trying to work through it the best way I know how.
I am grateful for this life. No, I don't have all the answers but I'm working side-by-side with the Lord on the answers that work best for our family.
I am grateful that God sees fit for me to work with young ladies in recovery from drugs & alcohol. I would have never thought I would be doing anything of the such, but here I am letting God lead me.
Yesterday in Church, He spoke a Word to me. I absolutely love that expression because it means I'm listening. I don't always listen. I hear Him, but I don't always listen. He's been speaking to me regarding an issue for what seems like an eternity & yesterday, it registered: "Let it Go".
Can that be anymore clear? I was invited to Homecoming at a local church in my area that I have "ties" so-to-speak with & the guest speaker was on point. God spoke right directly to me through this man. I didn't stick around to gab. I threw my hand up and out the door I went. I had to get home & feed the baby.
He spoke to me & said, let these things go that you're holding on to. It's time. No, I'm not delusional, people. If you're Christian, God speaks & you either obey or ignore; you decide. Conviction tends to convince you eventually if you want to hee-haw around like I've been doing.
I've been overwhelmed by one big thing. I don't have a church home. Please don't get me wrong, I feel welcome everywhere I go, but I have not yet found the place where I want to move my letter. I feel sure that I will know. The reason I feel sure is because I was absolutely certain when I joined my former church on April 17th, 2011. I knew exactly where I wanted to be. For reasons beyond my control, the church is no longer & yesterday, I let it go.
PRAISE & GLORY BE TO GOD, y'all.
It has consumed me with angst for almost three years, when we decided we would no longer have Sunday service. I felt like the Israelites wandering around out in the wilderness.
Not anymore. I'm free. I'm free to visit wherever my heart leads me. I'm free to see where God needs me. Since I chose Him, He has set me free repeatedly.
"The Lord has been so good to me,
He set my captive spirit free,
Old things are passed away,
Ever since that blessed day."
-I'm in a New World (hymn)
I wanted to head in an altogether different direction with this post but the Lord apparently had this direction.
Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord and He shall lift you up. --- James 4:10
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